


We're, Like, the Best Guild on the Server

by soudamlonely



Category: Minecraft diaries - Fandom, aphmau - Fandom
Genre: Jury of Nine, Other, PDH, bullshit, chatfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:34:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24883138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soudamlonely/pseuds/soudamlonely
Summary: It only makes sense that the best warriors in Ru'aun are the best guild in their mmo. Its their divine right(Chatfic)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 41





	1. Chapter 1

**_masked_mirage_ ** _ is online _

_**hpinquity** _ _is online_

**_janus_silvers_ ** _ is online _

janus_silvers: wut the hell is this

hpinquity: a chatroom

janus_silvers: yea but y?

hpinquity: how are we supposed to function as a guild if we don't communicate with one another?

janus_silvers: did u ask the gld leadr

hpinquity: i don't have to

janus_silvers: y?

hpinquity: i'm the leader dumbass 

janus_silvers: no ur not

hpinquity: did you not check the description before joining?

janus_silvers: 

hpinquity: well?

janus_silvers: fuck u hp

hpinquity: (⌒ω⌒)

janus_silvers: >:( 

janus_silvers: weeb

hpinquity: your discontent fills me with immeasurable joy

janus_silvers: i bet ur 1 of thse guys tht plays as a grl 4 clout

hpinquity: (눈_눈)

hpinquity: how rude

hpinquity: i'm one of those guys that plays as a girl because the avatars aren't as ugly, thank you very much

janus_silvers: SO U R A DUDE

**_poison_ivy_ ** _ is online _

poison_ivy: can you two stfu

poison_ivy: im trying to sleep rn

janus_silvers: weak

hpinquity: weak

poison_ivy: not all of us are aatk

hpinquity: ╮( ˘ ､ ˘ )╭

**_firefist82_ ** _ is online _

**_goldenn_heart_ ** _ is online _

firefist82: ITS 3:28 GO TO BED

goldenn_heart: ^^

hpinquity: bold of you to assume i live in your timezone

goldenn_heart: Aren't we all in the same timezone? The algorithm tends to sort the players by area for convenience.

poison_ivy: ?!

hpinquity: (O_O;)

firefist82: since when were you a mod, gold?

goldenn_heart: Oh, I'm not. I googled it when I joined. I don't want to wake anyone up with a text chat.

poison_ivy: awww

firefist82: that's so sweet gold

**_hpinquity_ ** _ is offline _

goldenn_heart: Where'd she go?

janus_silvers: hp is allergic 2 good vibes

janus_silvers: ur purity snt hm 2 bed 

poison_ivy: edgy

goldenn_heart: Oh, I'm sorry.

firefist82: dont be

firefist82: you did a good thing, gold

firefist82: night losers

**_firefist82_ ** _ is offline _

goldenn_heart: I should be heading to bed as well. 

goldenn_heart: Goodnight guys. Get some rest 

**_goldenn_heart_ ** _ is offline  _

janus_silvers: so

poison_ivy: ?

janus_silvers: arent u goin 2 bed or whtvr

poison_ivy: u guys woke me up

janus_silvers: blme hp

janus_silvers: its his gld

poison_ivy: he went to bed tho

poison_ivy: and u sent the 1st text

janus_silvers: tru

janus_silvers: only cuz i got the notif abt the chat

poison_ivy: oh rite 

poison_ivy: fuck hp

janus_silvers fuck hp

**_crimson_daddy_ ** _ is online _

crimson_daddy: fuck hp

janus_silvers: fuck hp

poison_ivy: fuck hp

crimson_daddy: fuck hp

janus_silvers: fuck hp

poison_ivy: fuck hp

crimson_daddy: fuck hp

**_hpinquity_ ** _ is online _

hpinquity: who has summoned me from the depths of the void?

poison_ivy: wtf

janus_silvers: wtf

crimson_daddy: begone demon!!!

hpinquity: (*¯ ³¯*)♡

hpinquity: i love y'all too!!!

janus_silvers: wrnt u slpin?

poison_ivy: ^^

crimson_daddy: ^^

hpinquity: (￣ヘ￣)

hpinquity: i was, but my stupid, ugly, narcissistic brother decided to start his morning routine extra early so he could look good for the first day of school

hpinquity: fucking hell he started singing

hpinquity: its like theres a drunk monkey screeching on the other side of the wall

janus_silvers: f

crimson_daddy: f 

poison_ivy: f

hpinquity: thanks y'all 

poison_ivy: id hate to live with some1 like that

poison_ivy: im vv lucky for my perfect boyfriend

janus_silvers: goddammit

hpinquity: swear to irene

crimson_daddy: are you guys actually dating

poison_ivy: we tots are!!

poison_ivy: we just haven't had the chance to talk about it over the summer.

poison_ivy: but now that we're in school my beloved will totally love me

crimson_daddy: wow

hpinquity: creep....

crimson_daddy: never met a real yandere before 

janus_silvers: weed

janus_silvers: *weeb

poison_ivy: stoner

janus_silvers: rarely 

masked_mirage: We're ranked bronze at the moment. Are you guys going to play the game or drop down in the ranks?

janus_silvers: ?!

poison_ivy: :0

hpinquity: (⊙_⊙)

crimson_daddy: demon!!!

masked_mirage: I'm sorry if I was too busy winning to chat earlier. I apologize for scaring you. 

poison_ivy: i can litrlly taste the sarcasm through the screen

hpinquity: i'm joining the dungeon right now!

hpinquity: just for you mira!

masked_mirage: Thank you, HP

janus_silvers: im comin

poison_ivy: me 2!

crimson_daddy: M3 3

  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**_masked_mirage_ ** _ is online _

**_poison_ivy_ ** _ is online _

**_crimson_daddy_ ** _ is online _

**_hpinquity_ ** _ is online _

**_janus_silvers_ ** _ is online _

crimson_daddy: mira

crimson_daddy: mira

crimson_daddy: mira

crimson_daddy: mira

crimson_daddy: mira

crimson_daddy: mira

crimson_daddy: mira

masked_mirage: What is it?

crimson_daddy: you're not even going to use my name? you call everyone else by their name when you talk to them

masked_mirage: What is it, Crimson?

crimson_daddy: >:'(

masked_mirage: I'm not going to call you daddy, Crimson. 

crimson_daddy: meanie

masked_mirage: What do you want?

crimson_daddy: i 

crimson_daddy: want

crimson_daddy: that staff you got from the dungeon yesterday.

crimson_daddy: it's better than the one I have and it's matches my avatar and it's the only one in the game.

masked_mirage: But it's mine. I earned it. Why should I give it to you?

crimson_daddy: im the team mage

crimson_daddy: you can't even use it.

masked_mirage: Currently, you can't use it either. 

crimson_daddy: what do you want for it?

crimson_daddy: illl give you anything

masked_mirage: Anything?

crimson_daddy: A

crimson_daddy: N

crimson_daddy: Y

crimson_daddy: T

crimson_daddy: H

crimson_daddy: I

crimson_daddy: N

crimson_daddy: G

masked_mirage: Hmm

masked_mirage: I want that silver scythe. I'm bored if the sword mechanics

crimson_daddy: i don't have a scythe

masked_mirage: You're right, you don't.

masked_mirage: But Janus does.

crimson_daddy: 

crimson_daddy: you monster

masked_mirage: You said you'd do anything. These are my terms.

crimson_daddy: but janus is scary!

crimson_daddy: and he has almost twice the levels i do in everything

masked_mirage: Nonsense! Your magick is higher.

janus_silvers: mgck wnt sve u frm bein ripped lmb bi lmb

crimson_daddy: DUSIXOSHIWODNCH

crimson_daddy: WTF

crimson_daddy: FUCKING DEMON

masked_mirage: Hey Janus.

janus_silvers: sup mira

crimson_daddy: YOU SET ME UP

janus_silvers: im in ths chtrm 

crimson_daddy: oh right

janus_silvers: ill gve u th skythe if u gve me ur pants

masked_mirage: What the hell Janus

crimson_daddy: fuck fuck im calling the cops

janus_silvers: ur avatars pants

janus_silvers: i wnna see if thy gve hmns prts

crimson_daddy: deal

masked_mirage: Wait

masked_mirage: No

masked_mirage: Why the hell do you want to know if the humans are anatomically correct?!

janus_silvers: orcs arnt 

crimson_daddy: that's orcphobic! 

crimson_daddy: i wanna see orc schlong!

janus_silvers: me 2!

hpinquity: anyone who sends orc schlong to the chat will be permanently banned

masked_mirage: Oh wise HP, impart your wisdom upon these perverted bastards

hpinquity: hp is busy at the moment. hp's rage has blinded him from any task other than "kill that purple cat girl and that edgelord warrior". please, try again later

janus_silvers: did smbdy hve a bad 1st day

hpinquity: hp would like to tell janus to kindly fuck off forever

janus_silvers: awwww 

masked_mirage: Don't worry about it HP. It took me six months to adjust to highschool.

hpinquity: pardon

masked_mirage: You're a freshman, right? 

hpinquity: 

**_firefist82_ ** _ is online _

**_goldenn_heart_ ** _ is online _

hpinquity:

hpinquity: maybe

masked_mirage: I knew it.

masked_mirage: Your aura seems younger than mine.

crimson_daddy: hp's a freshie?

hp: what the hell are y'all?!

janus_silvers: snr 

crimson_daddy: sophmore

masked_mirage: Junior

goldenn_heart: Senior

firefist82: sophmore

poison_ivy: sophomore 

janus_silvers: u no wut tht means 

hpinquity: we go on with our lives 

poison_ivy: silence team bby

hpinquity: i'm not team baby

firefist82: team bby

poison_ivy: team bby

janus_silvers: team bby

crimson_daddy: team bby

masked_mirage: team baby

goldenn_heart: Guys! Don't tease him! 

hpinquity: for once, i'm grateful for your kind nature

goldenn_heart: He's still very young, which means he's very sensitive and very emotional. You could hurt his feelings 

hpinquity: i take that back

hpinquity: fuck all of you

hpinquity: i'm going to bed

**_hpinquity_ ** _ is offline _

poison_ivy: it's only 5

goldenn_heart: A growing boy needs his sleep

firefist82: fair

crimson_daddy: congrats gold!!

goldenn_heart: For...what exactly?

poison_ivy: joining team asshole

goldenn_heart: I wasn't trying to be mean! I just wanted to join in on the teasing.

janus_silvers: dammit

crimson_daddy: fuck

goldenn_heart: What did I do? I'm sorry!

masked_mirage: Gold, sweetheart. You're the sort of pure that's absolutely insufferable to deal with, but necessary to keep me sane. Don't change.

masked_mirage: They're just annoyed that you aren't a total dick like they are

goldenn_heart: Thank….you?

firefist82: she's right. you're the heart of the group

**_firefist82_ ** _ has been temporarily kicked from the chatroom  _

poison_ivy: horrible pun

poison_ivy: she deserved that

goldenn_heart: Ivy….

crimson_daddy: i agree 

janus_silvers: me too

poison_ivy: oooo

poison_ivy: 82 is feisty 

poison_ivy: she challenged me to a pvp in pms

crimson_daddy: 82?

crimson_daddy: i thought we agreed we'd call her fisty

**_crimson_daddy_ ** _ has been temporarily kicked from the chat _

goldenn_heart: I have to go now. I have to prepare dinner

goldenn_heart: I'll be on later

masked_mirage: Bye Gold

janus_silvers: by

**_goldenn_heart_ ** _ is offline  _

janus_silvers: pvp?

masked_mirage: You're on

masked_mirage: Don't feel to hurt when I demolish you 

janus_silvers: *too

masked_mirage: Oh fuck you


	3. Chapter 3

**_poison_ivy_ ** _ is online  _

**_hpinquity_ ** _ is online _

**_firefist82_ ** _ is online _

poison_ivy: im gonna kill her

firefist82: who?

hpinquity: ooh can i help?! i wanna help!!

poison_ivy: she's a real person bud

firefist82: no murder hp

hpinquity: (ಥ﹏ಥ)

firefist82: no

hpinquity: fiiiinnnneeee

firefist82: who's this girl and what did she do?

poison_ivy: she's my love rival

poison_ivy: she's trying to get close to my man

hpinquity: who you aren't even dating but okay

firefist82: shut up

firefist82: continue

poison_ivy: she keeps bumping into him randomly 

poison_ivy: they're in the same classes

poison_ivy: they talk all the damn time

poison_ivy: i heard they even went on a date 

poison_ivy: she's such a needy bitch

hpinquity: *i'm

poison_ivy: huh?

hpinquity: nevermind

firefist82: does she know your dating him

poison_ivy: ivemade it very clear to her

firefist82: well then you should stand your ground

firefist82: if she knows that you really like the guy and are dating him, she's a whore and should back off

hpinquity: *aren't 

firefist82: what?

hpinquity: nothing

hpinquity: don't be scared to use violence. it tends to get the point across better

poison_ivy: thanks for the advice guys!!! you're the best!!

hpinquity: (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)

hpinquity: thank you!!

firefist82: np ivy

**_crimson_daddy_ ** _ is online _

crimson_daddy: ladies!!!

hpinquity: ( ಥ ʖ̯ ಥ)

crimson_daddy: and hp!!

hpinquity: ∑d(°∀°d)

crimson_daddy: i have news!!!

poison_ivy: ooooooooo!!!

**_F_ **

firefist82: good news or bad news 

crimson_daddy: great news!!

masked_mirage: Great? Do tell.

crimson_daddy: there's a new update coming out next month!!

**_janus_silvers_ ** _ is online  _

masked_mirage: So? The game updates every month. What's so special about this update?

crimson_daddy: they're!!!

crimson_daddy: adding!!

crimson_daddy: guild marks!!

firefist82: guild marks?

janus_silvers: ttt2s u gt whn u jn a gld

janus_silvers: lk in ft

masked_mirage: They're tattoos you get when you join a guild

**_goldenn_heart_ ** _ is online _

masked_mirage: Like in Fairy Tail

janus_silvers: thts wut I sd

masked_mirage: Well, I said it better.

goldenn_heart: ^^

poison_ivy: ^^

janus_silvers: fk u

crimson_daddy: im not done!!!

goldenn_heart: Oh, sorry!!

goldenn_heart: Go ahead Crimson

crimson_daddy: ty gold

crimson_daddy: anyway

crimson_daddy: the guild marks are gonna be fully customizable!!!

crimson_daddy: all we'll have to do is get the gm to submit the symbol we want and then we can choose our personal colors for our avatars!!

poison_ivy: hes just reading the ad sts

hpinquity: thank irene

goldenn_heart: Sounds like fun!

janus_silvers: thnk irn

firefist82: thank irene

poison_ivy: thank shad

masked_mirage: Thank Irene

goldenn_heart: Shad?

crimson_daddy: why are all of you thanking irene?

masked_mirage: According to you, the guild master submits the symbol, correct?

crimson_daddy: yup!!

masked_mirage: So, it would be HP who submits ths symbol. And we can trust that HP is mature enough to stray away from submitting some vulgar, fifth-grade drawing of a penis or boobs or something else along those lines

crimson_daddy: oh

hpinquity: ( ˙꒳˙ )

crimson_daddy: you guys think so little of me :,(

hpinquity: (ｏ・_・)ノ”(ノ_<、)

masked_mirage: Rightfully so

crimson_daddy: he's younger than me! hes team bby! how is he more mature?!

poison_ivy: your team gremlin 

goldenn_heart: ^^

firefist82: ^^

hpinquity: ^^

crimson_daddy: r00d

crimson_daddy: im not short 

crimson_daddy: why can't I be team rat or smtlt

firefist82: rat is overrated 

poison_ivy: it reminds me of tumblr 

goldenn_heart: I have an infestation and I don't want to be reminded of it

hpinquity: rats are dirty and i like to believe you guys all bathe

janus_silvers: hp has n irrtnl fr of rdnts f ny knd

hpinquity: no he doesn't 

janus_silvers: yes h ds. h tld m n pms

**_janus_silvers_ ** _ has been temporarily kicked from the chatroom  _

goldenn_heart: HP…

**_goldenn_heart_ ** _ has been temporarily kicked from the chatroom  _

masked_mirage: I have a pet rat named Luna and I don't want to associate her with you

**_masked_mirage_ ** _ has been temporarily kicked from the chatroom  _

crimson_daddy: valid ig 

**_crimson_daddy_ ** _ has been temporarily kicked from the chatroom  _

firefist82: wait who's doing that

**_firefist82_ ** _ has been temporarily kicked from the chatroom  _

poison_ivy: at least its quiet now

**_poison_ivy_ ** _ has been temporarily kicked from the chatroom  _

hpinquity: BOW BEFORE YOUR TYRANT KING

hpinquity: MWAHAHAHAHAHA

hpinquity: HAHAHAHA

hpinquity: haaaaaaahaaaaa…..

hpinquity: ha

hpinquity:

hpinquity: i suppose a good captain must go down with their ship

  
**_hpinquity_ ** _ has been temporarily kicked from the chatroom _


	4. Chapter 4

**_hpinquity_ ** _is online_

 **_masked_mirage_ ** _is online_

 **_janus_silvers_ ** _is online_

 **_goldenn_heart_ ** _is online_

goldenn_heart: Oh, HP! The icon you chose looks wonderful.

masked_mirage: Sort of odd considering "fancy cross with lacy detailing" wasn't what we had voted on, nor an option in the first place

goldenn_heart: Oh, right. I hadn't noticed.

goldenn_heart: I still think it looks great. 

janus_silvers: fts wth our lghnmnt, s ts cl

masked_mirage: I suppose the cross is more ominous and evil looking than that other thing.

goldenn_heart: Evil? 

masked_mirage: Well, currently we're neutral, but considering we're called "the Jury" and our leader has the word "inquity", meaning the evil intention behind sin, right behind his initials in his name, I'd safely assume that we're going to end up with an evil alignment sooner or later. 

goldenn_heart: Oh. 

janus_silvers: hp snt hs intls

masked_mirage: Yes it is

janus_silvers: n ts nt

masked_mirage: Has HP specifically told you what the H and P mean? 

janus_silvers: no

janus_silvers: bt thrs n wy n th nthr ts ha intls

masked_mirage: Well, what does the great and all knowing Janus think it means?

goldenn_heart: I'm curious too. 

janus_silvers:

janus_silvers: ht pckt

masked_mirage: Excuse me?

goldenn_heart: Oh cool, same!

masked_mirage: 

masked_mirage: You expect me to believe that not one, but two of my guild members wholeheartedly believed that they were being bossed around by someone named "Hot Pocket of Evil", and were perfectly fine with that.

goldenn_heart: Well, when you put it like that….

janus_silvers: …..

goldenn_heart: An evil Hot Pocket sounds quite terrifying, actually.

janus_silvers: yknw wht

janus_silvers: ur ttlly rght

goldenn_heart: Just think about it

goldenn_heart: A sentient microwave pastry filled with gooey cheese and fatty meats and carbohydrates, the ingredients of only the finest, purest evil, roaming the streets at night and eating you with the hunger and desperation that you had when you ate its kin

janus_silvers: thts…..

masked_mirage: Stupid?

janus_silvers: GNS

janus_silvers: U SHLD WRT A SCRNPLY

goldenn_heart: Really?!

janus_silvers: YS RLLY

janus_silvers: w cld mk mllns 

janus_silvers: tll tk th flm wrld b strm

janus_silvers: wll b st fr lf, u and i

goldenn_heart: Let's do it!!

goldenn_heart: I'll start drafting right away!

masked_mirage: HP!!

masked_mirage: Tell them they're being stupid.

janus_silvers: hp

janus_silvers: tll hr shs th stpd 1

masked_mirage: I'm stupid? Kind sir, do you even know what a vowel is? Capitalization? Punctuation? 

janus_silvers: i dnt cr 

janus_silvers: prvt schl prck 

masked_mirage: That's a rather bold assumption. 

janus_silvers: m i wrng

masked_mirage: That's entirely besides the point!

goldenn_heart: Guys. Neither of you are stupid! You're both smart in your own ways, and there's no reason for you guys to fight like this.

masked_mirage: Don't interfere, Gold

janus_silvers: ur nt tm ldr

goldenn_heart: So? HP isn't on to deal with….whatever this is, and if anyone's the most mature here, its me.

janus_silvers: hps on

masked_mirage: HP is online, Gold. Clearly, Janus isn't the only dumb one here. 

goldenn_heart: They're online, but they aren't active. According to the guild log, their avatar has been leveling up their knowledge stats in the library for the past two hours. That's just a start and stop task you can preform as long as your computer is running and the game is open.

goldenn_heart: And even if they hadn't muted the chat and weren't watching Netflix in another tab, I'm positive they would have ended your squabble when it started and called you both stupid. If we were wrong about the Hot Pocket thing, they would have spoken up immediately 

janus_silvers: s wht ur syn s tht hs nm s ht pckt

masked_mirage: Is that all you got from that?

goldenn_heart: It was part of it. 

masked_mirage: Well, I suppose it is twelve thirty in the afternoon on a Tuesday. The sophosquad isn't even on, so Gold's theory would make sense

goldenn_heart: Sophosquad?

masked_mirage: 82, Ivy, and Crimson. They're all in the same year and they tend to cause the most chaos, so I group them together in my mind

goldenn_heart: Well, Ivy and Crimson I understand, but when has 82 caused chaos?

masked_mirage: Its her temper, darling. She's really easy to rile up, and Ivy takes advantage of it quite often

masked_mirage: We just aren't on as often as they are, so we never see it. 

janus_silvers: wht r w

masked_mirage: We're the cool older members who tend to bring order to our young inferiors. 

goldenn_heart: We do do that, don't we.

janus_silvers: w nd a clr nm

masked_mirage: I'm still working on that. 

hpinquity: sio i lewavbe yoiu ghuysd aloinew for asn hoiur and youy fortm sq7qds without me?

hpinquity: ouxh,,,'xxfx

janus_silvers: SON

hpinquity: dayfy!

goldenn_heart: Where in the nether were you? 

hpinquity: ive been here tue wholt runw 

hpinquity: ajj i dod eas nute wje chwt and wtahc betuxk n ankthr tsb 

masked_mirage: That's gibberish, darling. 

hpinquity: shit ip mon

masked_mirage: I'm not your mother.

janus_silvers: m nt rsng hm ll ln 

goldenn_heart: Are you okay? 

hpinquity: Ngo.

hpinquity: i hve rhw flu. im ind bejf risbt niw.

hpinquity: irene, pleasfee enndn mny miseury 

goldenn_heart: Aww!!! Feel better!!

masked_mirage: Go to sleep

janus_silvers: wt thn y r u typn wrd

hpinquity: my lefdt hnd fwelk adlerp so I hsve two usde the r ih t ine

hpinquity: whu are all of UO y onl ine

masked_mirage: I have lunch into study hall today

goldenn_heart: I have a free period 

janus_silvers: i skppd 

hpinquity: ohs

hpinquity: mu kane isnt hort pockt 

masked_mirage: See? 

janus_silvers: dmn

hpinquity: irjs not mmy initaljys eiather 

hpinquity: all of uwo are fucking stupid

hpinquity: exislt for golld. thankuus yous, that toook me all nifjr too do.

hpinquity: the tiehr thikng waas stjpid anyway

hpinquity: i wasd eveen sule too splyt ir unto nine sectionns teo reopresent eakch of us

goldenn_heart: That's so sweet, but there are only seven people in the guild 

hpinquity: oh

hpinquity: whoops

hpinquity: thge worgld staertlerd spinnibf agaa8n.

hpinquity: om foing bgack too bed

hpinquity: nught 

**_hpinquity_ ** _is offline_

masked_mirage: Damn, that's the bell

masked_mirage: It was a pleasure debating with you all

**_masked_mirage_ ** _is offline_

goldenn_heart: That's my bell too

goldenn_heart: Bye Janus!!

**_goldenn_heart_ ** _is offline_

janus_silvers: i gss tht mks m kng nw

janus_silvers:

janus_silvers: im gnna lt a dngn nw

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**_hpinquity_ ** _ is online _

hpinquity: a

hpinquity: b

hpinquity: c

hpinquity: d

hpinquity: e

hpinquity: fuck this

hpinquity: y'all aren't even on

hpinquity: finishing that is way to much work 

hpinquity: why am i always on. its literally two in the morning and i'ge been on for a good couple of hours 

hpinquity: it's like i dont have anything better to do

hpinquity: like, find irl friends to hang out with

hpinquity: or a club i could be at

hpinquity: sports 

hpinquity: something

hpinquity: sports are kinda gross though

hpinquity: probably wouldn't be good with my athsma anyway, and my blind eye makes me legally disabled anyway, so it's a bad idea

hpinquity: clubs are boring

hpinquity: i don't have any friends

hpinquity: huh. 

hpinquity: well i guess i dont have anything better to do

hpinquity: damn

hpinquity: oh almighty hp, divine your holy advice upon this tortured soul

hpinquity:

hpinquity: i got nothing

hpinquity: if im gonna go full ham on being an npc, i should get better at advice giving 

hpinquity: 

hpinquity: meh

hpinquity: im stupid average at everything anyway. why bother 

hpinquity: how do i know im even talking to real people.

hpinquity: according to my general luck, y'all probably aren't 

hpinquity: but...just in case im wrong

hpinquity: not like im ever wrong but just incase i might maybe possibly be

**_hpinquity_ ** _ has deleted  _ **_32_ ** _ messages _

hpinquity: °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

**_hpinquity_ ** _ is offline _


	6. Chapter 6

**_crimson_daddy_ ** _ is online _

**_firefist82_ ** _ is online  _

**_poison_ivy_ ** _ is online  _

crimson_daddy: alright girls 

crimson_daddy: as deputy gm

poison_ivy: since when where u deputy gm

firefist82: ^^

crimson_daddy: stfu

crimson_daddy: i refuse to get that sort of flack from a tank and a warrior

poison_ivy: oh

poison_ivy: i thought that was going in a different direction 

firefist82: he doesnt have the brain capacity to be misoginistic 

crimson_daddy: >:O

poison_ivy: oh, right. i forgot.

poison_ivy: i need to log on more

crimson_daddy: ANYWAY!!

crimson_daddy: BACK TO THE ORDER OF BUSINESS!!

poison_ivy: who even uses caps lock anymore

firefist82: janis does

poison_ivy: yea but he's old

firefist82: tru

crimson_daddy: A

crimson_daddy: N

crimson_daddy: Y

crimson_daddy: W

poison_ivy: way to take up my screen grandpa

crimson_daddy: everyoneelsehasdecidedthatwereirrasponsibleanduncool

firefist82: please use the spacyebar 

crimson_daddy: everyone else thinks we're irrisonsple and not cool 

poison_ivy: not like theyre inherently cool themself

firefist82: ivy!

poison_ivy: what? its true

poison_ivy: its like if one of your parents thought uou wrre cool

crimson_daddy: lol 

crimson_daddy: imagine having parents

crimson_daddy: shit i didnt mean to kill the chat

crimson_daddy: um, my parents died in a magical accident when i was really little. i live with my nana. 

crimson_daddy: she's like my mom, but older and wiser and better at magic and my house always smells like cookies 

poison_ivy: wait

poison_ivy: youre actually a warlock?!

firefist82: ivy!!

crimson_daddy: that's all you got from that

poison_ivy: yeah

poison_ivy: i left to get a snack and i come back to your life story

poison_ivy: i just thought you played mage cuz ur team nerd

crimson_daddy: >:,(

crimson_daddy: choke and die

firefist82: bruh

poison_ivy: me and my kale chips want to tell you to get fucked

firefist82: ha!

crimson_daddy: damn…

poison_ivy: what?

firefist82: nothing 

crimson_daddy: nothing

poison_ivy: keeping secrets from the guild, are you?

poison_ivy: correct me if im wrong, but teaming up to take the guild down is grounds for expulsion, potentially a ban depending on how i choose o phraze it when i bring it up to hp

crimson_daddy: *to phrase 

firefist82: youre really a bitch, you know

poison_ivy: i'm aware ;)

crimson_daddy: fisty

crimson_daddy: guess what

firefist82: ?

crimson_daddy: the kale chips have been countered

firefist82: damn!!

firefist82: im only 20 gold awat from those flaming gauntlets

crimson_daddy: ha loser

poison_ivy: 

poison_ivy: you two are betting, arent you

firefist82: yeah

crimson_daddy: i think youre a typical mean girl with a possy who keeps her inner gamer nerd a secret irl, and fisty thinks your a skinny waisted cheerleader who keeps her inner gamer nerd a secret

firefist82: crimson we had a code

poison_ivy: ouch

poison_ivy: i mean, your both correct, but it still cuts deep

poison_ivy: but, like, letting me in would lessen the pain

firefist82: deal

crimson_daddy: deal

poison_ivy: i have a feeling mira's beinf bullied for being goth anyway

crimson_daddy: fairly certain she's the bully

firefist82: she's definitely a loner type, bur theres no bullying

poison_ivy: 20 gold says im right

crimson_daddy: deal

firefist82: deal

firefist82: dungeon?

crimson_daddy: yup

poison_ivy sure

**_masked_mirage_ ** _ is online _

masked_mirage: You guys forgot to delete your messages 

masked_mirage: Please, don't be too offended when I cream you all in the dungeons 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited New Years special! It isn’t New Years and jo one’s requested it, but it’s out!

_ private message from  _ **_hpinquity_ **

hpinquity: jaaaaannnnnuuuuusssss

hpinquity: hahave a good newww yeaaarr!!!

janus_silvers: r .u ok

hpinquity: yeah!! 

hpinquity: i'm goowod!!

hpinquity: my parents threw soome sort of neeeww yeears party for their frriends and family soo im stuck playiing host

hpinquity: there were these liiittle puddinirro orderabe things tjat taxlike sme srt of spocy shu plish though, but otherwise, its not go8ng as bad as i thoigh itd be ( ﾟｏ⌒)

janus_silvers:

janus_silvers: ur drnk

hpinquity: no im noot!!

janus_silvers: ys u r

hpinquity: im too young to dirnk stipid

janus_silvers: r u dsrntd? s ur hd fzzy? r u mr mplsv thn sl?

hpinquity: ?

janus_silvers: cuz ur ntxctd n wnt rmmmbr ths cnv nywy

hpinquity: ??

janus_silvers: are you dizzy? is yur hed fuzzy? 

hpinquity: lmao you suck atm speeling 

janus_silvers: are you near enyone?

hpinquity: jsut my cousin

hpinquity: het name ir lillian

hpinquity: she keeps saying sometjonf somefhing about my aura being "off"

hpinquity: ┐( ˘ ､ ˘ )┌

hpinquity: i gotfa go, bte janus!@@

janus_silvers: by

_ private message from  _ **_goldenn_heart_ **

goldenn_heart: Happy New Year, Janus!!

janus_silvers: hppy nw yr gld

goldenn_heart: Are you doing anything fun?

janus_silvers: nah

janus_silvers: stmch fl

goldenn_heart: Aww, feel better!!

goldenn_heart: I'll think of you when we get to the toasting

janus_silvers: u cnt drnk

goldenn_heart: I'm visiting my family overseas. The drinking age is lower here.

goldenn_heart: I must be going now, feel better!!

janus_silvers: hve fn

_ private message from  _ **_poison_ivy_ **

poison_ivy: happy new year grandpa 

poison_ivy: im busy so dont text back

janus_silvers: back

poison_ivy: fuck you

_ private message from  _ **_firefist82_ **

firefist82: hhhQa an00b!!!

firefist82: i Bet yoU cAnt WVEN PLAY

janus_silvers: 82

janus_silvers: my lvls r hghr thn urs

firefist82: sorry! my stupid little brother foound my labtop

janus_silvers: o

janus_silvers: ndrstndbl

firefist82: meh, he's only eight

firefist82: i cant get mad at the lil rascal

janus_silvers: i thght ur bro wuz in 8th grd

firefist82: i have five brothers

firefist82: one's in college and fhe rest are younger than me

janus_silvers: wow

firefist82: ifs great though. its ljke having an adorable and kind of annoying army rught at your fingertips

janus_silvers: dpe

firefist82: u dng nythn? prty r smthn

janus_silvers: hmwrk

firefist82: F

firefist82: gotta go. happy new year.

janus_silvers: hppy nw yr

_ private message from  _ **_masked_mirage_ **

masked_mirage: I love rich people

janus_silvers: ?

masked_mirage: Oh, um, my aunt has this annual new years party and her husband is loaded as all hell so she rents out her father-in-law's country club in order to host both her extended family and his extended family so it's this magical event filled with hoity toity rich people that my lowly peasant ass is privileged to attend

masked_mirage: Usually I just spend the party chatting with my little cousin because he's my little baby goth and I love him, but this time he accidentally got into the pudding shots so he wasn't really all there up there

janus_silvers: hly sht

janus_silvers: hwd a fve yr ld gt nto th pddnf shts

masked_mirage: Oh, no, he's fourteen. Puberty hasn't quite hit him yet so its easy to mistake him for a middle schooler, and Zane's kind of a dork but he's not that young. Sorry for confusing you. 

janus_silvers: its fn

masked_mirage: Oh damn, I forgot about the no names rule

masked_mirage: Well, the chance of any of my family members being in the guild is highly unlikely, so it doesnt really matter

janus_silvers: tru

janus_silvers: wut hppnd 

masked_mirage: Well, Zane spent twenty minutes gushing about this senior at his school who he's madly in love with and then he puked in the coatroom. 

masked_mirage: Now everyone's fighting becusse a couple of expensive coats are ruined and no ones owning up to it. 

masked_mirage: I'm ashamed to say, but watching these drunken capatilist pigs fight over abhorant looking garments fills me with sick glee

janus_silvers: ur wrd

masked_mirage: Thank you.

janus_silvers: wut hppnd 2 ur lil csn

masked_mirage:

masked_mirage: That's an excellent question.

masked_mirage: I ought to leave now.

masked_mirage: Before I go, what are you doing? 

masked_mirage: The log says youve been online since 10 PM. Aren't you celebrating the holiday with friends or family? 

janus_silvers: i hv a hdch

masked_mirage: Bullshit

janus_silvers: i brk my lg

masked_mirage: No

janus_silvers:

masked_mirage: Um...if your uncomfortable, you don’t have to share. As long as your safe, it’s fine.

janus_silvers: i wuz tkng ot th trsh th thr dy nd gt jmpd by a rccn n h scrtch m n th i

janus_silvers: my mm s mkng m g 2 bd spr rly ntl t hls

masked_mirage: Awww!!! You poor thing!!!

masked_mirage: Quit rebelling and go to sleep

masked_mirage: You heal better when you’re unconscious anyhow

janus_silvers: nite

masked_mirage: Goodnight!!

**_janus_silvers_ ** _ is offline _

  * _••_



With a sigh, Janus closed his laptop and gently tossed it to the end of his bed. As he closed his eyes- er, eye and tried his hardest to get comfortable, he racked his brain, trying to remember if there were any Lillians or Zanes at Nahakra Public. Now that any and all sports commitments he had were null and void, he’d have plenty of time to sleuth once break is over. There’s no better time to reinvent yourself than the new year….right?


	8. Chapter 8

**_hpinquity_ ** _ is online  _

**_crimson_daddy_ ** _ is online  _

**_goldenn_heart_ ** _ is online  _

**_janus_silvers_ ** _ is online  _

hpinquity: 

crimson_daddy:

hpinquity: 

hpinquity: 

crimson_daddy: 

goldenn_heart: Excuse me for asking, but what are you two doing?

hpinquity:

hpinquity:

crimson_daddy:

janus_silvers: idk

janus_silvers: thyv bn dng ths fr lmst n hr

janus_silvers: slnt trtmnt ig

crimson_daddy: its actually the quiet game, thanks

hpinquity: ha!

hpinquity: loser!!

crimson_daddy: DAMMIT!!

hpinquity: (◕‿◕)

crimson_daddy: wtf,,,,is that face,,,

crimson_daddy: its,,,starinf into my soul,,,it knows my sins,,,and it judges

hpinquity: (・・ ) ?

hpinquity: i dont see it

crimson_daddy: no offence bro but you dont have a soul

goldenn_heart: ^^^

hpinquity: !!!

hpinquity: how rude!!

hpinquity: i spend all my hours working to better the guild and this is the thanks i get?!

hpinquity: that hurts man

hpinquity: you're totally right, but it still hurts.

hpinquity: (｡╯︵╰｡)

hpinquity: janus, insult them so they feel worse than me

janus_silvers: yssr 

janus_silvers: gld, ur th bggst smp v vr mt. crmsn, ur annyng n a bd wy

crimson_daddy: ouch….

goldenn_heart: Just because HP demands something doesn't mean you have to do it, Janus.

goldenn_heart: You can say no.

hpinquity: no you can't

janus_silvers: yssr

hpinquity: i'm god janus, do as i say

janus_silvers: ys ur mjsty

hpinquity: (≧◡≦)

hpinquity: thanks peasant!

crimson_daddy: god?

goldenn_heart: Wasn't your thing being royalty? Since when were you a celestial creature of omnipotence?

hpinquity: since i said so

hpinquity: duhsies

hpinquity: it's like you dont pay attention to me gold (҂ `з´ )

goldenn_heart: I do! 

hpinquity: it's like you really are my dad

crimson_daddy: isn't janus your dad?

hpinquity: no, he's my imaginary dad. gold is like my real dad.

janus_silvers: :)

goldenn_heart: Are you okay at home, HP?

crimson_daddy: what am i?

hpinquity: daddy, obviously.

goldenn_heart: No seriously, I'm rather concerned

crimson_daddy: :D

crimson_daddy: i love you too son!!!

janus_silvers: u r lttrly tm bby

hpinquity: Rule 37: HP isn't baby. HP isnt team baby. Refrain from referring to him as such or else be automatically banned.

crimson_daddy: team baby

janus_silvers: tm baby

**_crimson_daddy_ ** _ has been temporarily kicked from the chatroom  _

**_janus_silvers_ ** _ has been temporarily kicked from the chatroom  _

goldenn_heart: HP? You've been avoiding my questions

**_hpinquity_ ** _ has been temporarily kicked from the chatroom  _

goldenn_heart: I-

goldenn_heart: Did the dragon's lair dungeon just open up?

goldenn_heart: Papa's getting himself a new glaive tonight~


End file.
